Reason 235

Bacon. Or, as my friend Christina (who is convinced she could eat a pound of the stuff in one sitting) calls it, pig candy. Both of us, Jason, are huge fans of the delectable meat strips, which is a good thing because I don't trust folks who turn up their nose at the buffet table staple. I mean, bacon has been known to send even hardcore vegeterians to the meat-eating dark side, morphing them into finger-licking, jaw-smacking Wilbur eaters who can't stop at just one or two pieces, so there must be something magical about this breakfast treat. Your love of bacon is so strong that you vehemently blamed a Wendy's limited edition bacon burger for the pudge around your middle that was occasionally on display in I Love You, Man. I'm not a fast food fan, but I bet feasting on pieces of slightly crispy, savory pork goodness almost every day of filming was worth the extra ten pounds. Weight gain or not, it's my belief that bacon is an appropriate treat any time of day (or night, for that matter) and tastes best on its own, as opposed to as a garnish on burgers, pancakes, cupcakes, or doughnuts, which seems to be the current trend. I do admit to being intrigued by a certain bacon brownie concoction my foodie friend Claire whipped up a few weeks ago, but other than that I'll take my pig candy straight out of the frying pan, greasy fingers be damned. Despite my purist preferences, I do approve of all the bacon swag that can be found around town, like band-aids, stickers, and action figures, and would be happy to hook you up with a bacon belt, Jason, if you really want to impress your Hollywood friends. Darn it, now I desperately want some bacon. I think I'll wrap this up and head to Safeway.