Reason 223

Responsible pet ownership. For the third time in a month my lovely mother is out of town, which means I am once again slumming it in her neighborhood, subsisting on whatever three-year old meat products she's squirreled away in the garage freezer and catering to the dog and cat's every need. Since I love our dog, Molly, so much I strap on my tennis shoes each night and let her drag me on a walk, risking wrist sprains from her non-stop tugging and temporary hearing loss from the incessant barking of the Beagles down the street who freak out whenever Molly passes by their ginormous front windows. No wonder my mom just shoos Molly into the fenced backyard when she needs some fresh air and exercise. Of course, another reason to avoid walking Molly is the inevitable cleanup duty that comes with it. What is even worse than scooping up steaming piles of doody, however, is having to sidestep the mess left in yards and on sidewalks around town by rude, germ-phobic dog owners. I am constantly appalled by the amount of crap I see during our daily jaunts and left wondering if the people leaving these bombs behind are stupid enough to think a poor dog poo fairy flies around canine-heavy areas picking up Fido's special presents or perhaps they believe they are supporting the organic farm movement by offering up fresh fertilizer. Whatever the reason for their unsanitary habits, you can sleep soundly at night, Jason, knowing I always bag Molly's shit and dispose of it in the proper receptacle. There have even been times when I have run out of bags mid-walk and, instead of shirking my duty as a pet owner, have jumped in my car when we got back from our stroll, fresh bag in hand, and returned to the scene of the crime so as not offend the homeowner. I'm pretty sure there isn't a Spot or FiFi in your life, Jason, but if there ever comes a day when you decide to adopt a four-legged furball, I will happily walk him with you and whip out a dookie bag when nature calls. In the meantime I will continue to give dirty looks to the man one cul-de-sac over who is in denial about his dog's bathroom behavior. Shame on you, sir!