Reason 144

Compromising positions. Oh. My. God. Becky, look at her butt! I cannot lie, I am well-endowed when it comes to the junk in my trunk. As a chubby gal, a plump rump is part of the package. Since I know I am all kinds of curvy and am perfectly comfortable with that, I will never, ever ask you, Jason, if I my butt looks big in my jeans. There's no need for you to break out in a sweat over a question that has no satisfactory answer. If you do tell me my butt looks big, I may throw something at your head, and if you tell me my denim looks great when it's really crossing over into mom jeans territory, you aren't much of a friend for letting me waltz out the door looking like crap. Besides, I own a mirror or two and can quite easily tell if my pants or dress or shorts don't do my body justice. Now that I think about it, not once in my life have I heard a real woman ask someone if her jeans make her butt look big. Perhaps during the advent of celluloid some silent movie star pantomimed "Does this bustle make my derriere conspicuous?" and it was all downhill from there, a question that would be recycled in film after film for years to come, instilling fear into the hearts of men everywhere. Well, Jason, whether mythical or not, I promise the loaded question will never trip from my lips in your presence (or anyone else's for that matter). In fact, I will try not to inquire about anything that could be a potential emotional minefield. Besides, I stand firmly in the Queen camp when it comes to my tush - fat-bottomed girls truly do make the rockin' world go 'round.