Reason 142

Pop quiz. What do the following have in common: "Heartbeat," "Party All the Time," and "She's Like the Wind"? Stumped? They are all "hit" songs by actors (Don Johnson, Eddie Murphy, and Patrick Swayze, respectively) who went for a spin in the recording studio. Jason, if you ever get a wild hair and decided to crank out an album for mass consumption, I will support you one hundred percent. Just to be clear, I will not support you 110% because that is a mathematical impossibility. You have already proven in your various TV and film roles that you can carry a tune, even while tickling the old ivories, so why not tap into your rabid fan-base of emotionally-stunted frat boys and milk them for every glorious cent their parents give them? You would obviously have to include "You Just Got Slapped" to pander to the HIMYM fans and "Lady L" for all of the rabid Freaks & Geeks folks. A few songs from Dracula's Lament are a must, and "Wonky Eyed Girl" would make a nice hidden track. You could open the album with a tribute to the Muppets, perhaps by updating "Mah Nah Mah Nah" or dueting with Kermit on "Bein' Green." See how easy this is? I've practically made the record for you. Now all you have to do is schedule some studio time. Come on, Jason, make the musical world a better place by joining the illustrious ranks of actors who fancy themselves singers. If Alissa Milano and Leonard Nimoy can do it, so can you!