Jason says "read this blog!"
Just when I'm about to sign the DNR papers for this blog something comes along and inspires me to write another post. One of these days Jason Segel will come to his senses and beg me to befriend him. I just hope he isn't waiting to see the 365th reason. It may take years.



365 Reasons Why...An Explanation

Well, hello there (said in a very sexy voice). You're looking quite lovely today. Welcome to my blog. Feel free to take off your shoes and get comfortable, maybe leave a comment or two. This started out as kind of a funny thing to do after I blew a phone conversation with Jason, but I've found I really enjoy writing every day and researching new and interesting things about my future BFF. In January I met Jason at a comedy club and the few words we shared only reinforced my belief that he and I would get along famously. As a dear friend of mine recently said, "why wouldn't he want to be friends with you - you're awesome!" Perhaps the 365 reasons in this blog may just convince Jason of what I already know to be true: separately, our awesomeness is great; combined, it may be enough to take over the world. If you want to be one of my esteemed followers, simply click on the 'follow' button toward the bottom of the page. Come on, you know you want to.



Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Reason 99

CPR and First Aid. In the words of Julia Roberts as that famous hooker with a heart of gold, "I'm a safety girl." After college I worked with Americorps NCCC and one of the requirements before being released into the general public was three days of CPR and first aid training. Three days?! That's probably more than firefighters get. After suffering from a mild nervous breakdown and leaving Americorps, I got a job at a group home where, lo and behold, I was required to attend another CPR course. Two years of working with unstable teenage boys at the group home convinced me I would be an excellent teacher (hmm, I wonder if that moment of clarity was a direct result of my aforementioned breakdown). I'm sure you've guessed by now that carrying around a CPR certification card is part of the teaching gig. All told, over the past 10 years I have probably spent more time learning how to clear vomit out of an unconscious person's mouth than I have on dates. My god, that's a depressing thought. What's even more depressing is I have never had an occasion to practice all the knowledge I soaked up in those riveting training sessions. That's where you come in, Jason. If you ever break a bone, suffer a nasty gash on your forehead, or go on a bender and pass out in a puddle of your own vomit, I will come to your rescue. If you get any bodily fluids on the interior of my car, though, you're on your own. Upholstery cleaning wasn't covered in any of my classes.

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