Reason 57

Exploitation. Or, rather, the comple lack thereof. I get that you are relatively famous, Jason, and I have noticed more and more stories about your crazy exploits popping up on the Interwebs, so there must be a market for salacious tidbits about your life, but I honestly would never succumb to the tabloids and sell tittilating gossip about you. I like to think that, even as a person with no religious affiliation, I have morals, and I am pretty darn sure I would never sell out one of my nearest and dearest. Of course, if you are in desperate need of publicity and want me to generate some baby mama sob story, I am happy to oblige, but it would pain me deeply to do so.