Jason says "read this blog!"
Just when I'm about to sign the DNR papers for this blog something comes along and inspires me to write another post. One of these days Jason Segel will come to his senses and beg me to befriend him. I just hope he isn't waiting to see the 365th reason. It may take years.

365 Reasons Why...An Explanation

Well, hello there (said in a very sexy voice). You're looking quite lovely today. Welcome to my blog. Feel free to take off your shoes and get comfortable, maybe leave a comment or two. This started out as kind of a funny thing to do after I blew a phone conversation with Jason, but I've found I really enjoy writing every day and researching new and interesting things about my future BFF. In January I met Jason at a comedy club and the few words we shared only reinforced my belief that he and I would get along famously. As a dear friend of mine recently said, "why wouldn't he want to be friends with you - you're awesome!" Perhaps the 365 reasons in this blog may just convince Jason of what I already know to be true: separately, our awesomeness is great; combined, it may be enough to take over the world. If you want to be one of my esteemed followers, simply click on the 'follow' button toward the bottom of the page. Come on, you know you want to.

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Reason 31

A low-key New Year's eve. I have never been a big fan of New Year's eve. The "holiday" seems tailored to people who need a reason to drink too much and make assess out of themselves at large social gatherings, which isn't my style. If you ever want to take a break from those types of parties and hang out with me, who could quite possibly be watching classic 80's movies and playing some word games, I will welcome you with open arms. I'll even fix you a drink or two. Just don't expect me to hold back your hair if you have one martini too many.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Reason 30

Great hugs. I am a fan of hugs, and I don't half-ass them. I believe when you hug someone you should actually make contact with their body, give a prolonged squeeze, then release. I don't trust people who give meek hugs accompanied by fluttery hands on the back. Like you, my body is, ahem, a tad soft (no sharp angles here), which is ideal for hugging. In the brilliant words of Marshall Erikson on HIMYM, "I'm cuddly, bitch!"

clip from HIMYM

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Reason 29

Disneyland. There isn't a whole lot of information about you out there, but your love of Disneyland was mentioned in a few different articles. I adore the place. Can't get enough of it. As soon as I walk through the gates and see the giant Mickey head made out of flowers I feel a certain magic come alive inside me. When I was younger my dad took me there a few times as a special father-daughter trip. Sadly, the last time we went (I was 9) he told me he was separating from my mother. Taking me to my favorite place on earth to deliver this news broke my heart and may be his worst parenting decision of all time, and yet Disneyland isn't ruined for me. I love Space Mounatin, Pirates of the Caribbean (I do not approve of Johny Depp being animatronic, however) and Big Thunder Mounatin; I love wandering around Main Street and convincing myself I need over-priced Disney tchotchkes; I love the cheesiness that is the Country Bears show; I love the incredible show put on every night where the water gets lit on fire (on fire!). I will go to Disneyland with you any day of the week, any time of the year. I will even start a petition to bring back Captain EO. Just don't ask me to ride Dumbo.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Reason 28

Van Morrison. I stumbled upon a short interview you did with rockerazzi.com in which you stated your favorite album of all time is Morrison's Astral Weeks. I'm not familiar with the album, but one of my top three favorite songs of all time is "Into the Mystic." Ever since I heard it during Dream a Little Dream, that underappreciated Feldman/Haim gem of a movie, I have been smitten, and even I've been known to get teary-eyed listening to it because it is so beautiful. In fact, it is so special to me that I won't even put it on mixed CD's I make for other people. I don't want to share it. I also count Moondance as a must-listen CD on any road trip, along with Paul Simon's Graceland. The other songs that round out my top three: Sarah Vaughn's version of "You Can't Take That Away From Me" and Billy Joel's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant."

Rockerazzi interview with JS

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Reason 27

I am universally liked by dogs (that's my amazing dog, Molly, on the left) and small children. In my book, those are the people to trust. I am one of those strange people who makes funny faces at babies in grocery stores, hoping I can get a smile out of them. At parties I would much rather hang with the kids and/or dogs than the adults - I seem to have more in common with the under-12 set. I guess it's a good thing I became a middle school teacher. Based on interviews I have seen with you I would wager you get along famously with wee ones, too. See, one more thing we have in common.
                Happy 1st birthday, Daisy!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Reason 26

The best homemade raspberry jam in the world. Every other summer my mom and I trek out to a raspberry farm and pick our weight in raspberries to be made into freezer jam. The jam is so delicious that people have been known to eat spoonfuls of it straight from the jar. I will happily pass a few jars on to you, Jason, but you will have to promise to get the emptry jars back to my mom so she can use them again next summer. She's environmentally friendly like that.

                   Happy birthday, mom!

Friday, December 25, 2009

Reason 25

Clever gift tags. According to my lovely mother, years ago my father started writing clues to a gift's contents on the tag. Over time it became a Christmas tradition (tradition! - sung a la Fiddler on the Roof) and now I write strange, funny or witty clues on every tag affixed to my family's gifts. For example, this year a clue for one of my mother's presents is "here's one more reason to drink during the holidays." Sorry, but I can't reveal what the gift is since she reads my blog. One of my all-time favorite clues is the one I put on her Georgia O'Keefe calendar: "It was either Far Side or a year of vaginas. I went with vaginas." The look on my mother's face when she read that tag was priceless. Anyway, once we're friends, Jason, I will bestow this tradition upon you. I bet you are overcome with joy right about now.

A very merry Christmas to all!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Reason 24

Stimulating religious conversations. Despite being raised by a Catholic mother, being baptized and receiving first communion at a Catholic church, and attending a Catholic girls school for 8 years, I identify as an atheist. As far back as I remember I have never believed in a higher power. You, from what I have read in interviews, identify as Jewish, but attended a Catholic school growing up. I bet we could have some very interesting conversations about organized religion, morality, and what the heck happens to people when they kick the bucket. We could sit in a corner booth at some small-town diner (do they even have those in L.A.?) and grapple with the meaning of life - it will be just like college, but with a healthy dose of irony.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Reason 23

Super Mario marathons. I still own my original NES and Super Nintendo, along with all of the Super Mario Bros. games, and I would be more than happy to hook them up so we could go head-to-head in an all-night Mario marathon (warping not allowed). If you play your cards right I may even let you be Mario, while I silently endure the disgrace of being Luigi.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Reason 22

Happy shoes. I don't know when it started, but over the years I have amassed quite the collection of colorful sneakers. Puma, Saucony, Adidas, Nike, Roos, Asics...they are all fair game as long as they are bright and make me smile. What's even better is my shoes make other people smile. I must admit, I have never noticed your footwear, but you strike me as a man who appreciates kick-ass shoes. I will have to think long and hard about the shoes I wear when we meet for the first time. Hmmm, perhaps that is the perfect excuse to buy a new pair.

A sample of my collection

Monday, December 21, 2009

Reason 21

Triple chocolate cake. For years my lovely mother has been baking Triple Chocolate Cakes for special occasions and, fortunately for you, she has passed the recipe on to me. People swoon over the tasty treat, and legend has it the cake even helped the Boston Red Sox win the World Series in 2004 (shout out to my die-hard BoSox fan, Christina!). But that's a tale that will be told when we share a slice (or 2 or 3) of heaven.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Reason 20

Tattoos. You probably wouldn't guess it looking at me, but I have 4 lovely tattoos. Since I (and a hell of a lot of other people) saw you naked in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I am pretty sure you have never been inked. If the day ever comes, Jason, when you decide to join the hipster club and permanently alter your body, I will take you to an amazing, world-renowned shop in Seattle called Slave to the Needle and even hold your hand through the pain. I promise not to tell anyone if you cry.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Reason 19

No weird baby names. When the time comes for you to reproduce I will stop you from forever saddling your spawn with a dreadful name, which seems to be quite popular in your line of work. There will be no Cassette or Banana or New Dehli; just something easy to pronounce and spell. Trust me, your bundle of joy will thank me profusely 10 years from now.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Reason 18

Naughty limericks. I can use just about anyone's name in a saucy limerick written on the fly. I've dabbled in dirty haiku as well, mostly as entertainment during boring meetings or teacher trainings. Let's see...There once was an actor named Jason, who preferred to bathe his junk in a basin, one day it got stuck, he tugged and tugged with no luck...you'll have to finish it off, dear sir. It's like my very own version of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me - tee hee.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Reason 17

Mixed CD's that will blow your mind. Once upon a time I was a master of the mixed tape. Obviously, I have changed formats in the last 10 years or so since no one has tape players any more (except me...and I still have a VCR, but that's a different reason). I don't mean to brag, but I seem to have a knack for putting the perfect songs together and for making theme mixes. A few examples: 70's Cheese, Road Trip mix, California songs, guitar-heavy songs from 1973, the year of my brother's birth. The possibilities are endless. What would go on the Jason Segel mix? Well, a Muppet song or two for sure, but the rest will have to be a surprise.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Reason 16

My kick-ass bar trivia skills. Yes, you read that correctly. I can rock some bar trivia...if the categories aren't too obtuse. I bet you know quite a bit of useless trivia (if the "I Love You, Man" commentary is any indication), and if we wrangled a few other intelligent folks onto our team we could probably place in the top 5, maybe even take first place. A girl can dream.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Reason 15

Dating standards. Apparently, neither one of us is willing to date Lindsay Lohan. I'm amazed by the press you've gotten recently after Ms. Lohan crashed at your swanky Hollywood mansion. My favorite sound bite by far is your response when asked if you were dating Lindsay: "Oh, man, no..." My words exactly.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Reason 14

Muppet play dates. While in New York last week I designed my very own Muppet, almost peeing myself in the process because I was so darn excited. It would be great to get together and put on Muppet shows with your Dracula and my What Not (he is still, sadly, without a name). We could invite neighborhood kids over to watch, pass out bowls of popcorn, shock them with social satire disguised as kid-friendly humor...good times would be had by all. Or, in the very least, we could serenade them with tunes from the Muppet oeuvre. Hmmm, are you able to play piano while manipulating Dracula? Maybe you should start practicing.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Reason 13

I am not impressed by celebrity, money or fame. I will never ask to meet other people in the film industry, although they may beg you to introduce them to me once they hear the hilarious tales of our new-found friendship. We'll be like the Laverne & Shirley of Hollywood (you get to wear the monogrammed sweaters).

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Reason 12

Strippers! Once upon a time a good friend convinced me to check out the Lusty Lady, a well-known strip club in Seattle. You'll never guess what happened during my 5 minutes in that dark booth, but I'd be happy to tell you once we're friends.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Reason 11

A one of a kind Chanukah stocking. If you ever need a cozy place to celebrate Christmas, you'd be more than welcome at my mother's house. She is a Christmas fanatic and she would force her famous Chanukah stocking on you so you could participate in the whole gift unwrapping ridicularity. One of my brother's Jewish friends spent many a Christmas night with our family and my mom always stuffed a special Chanukah sock for him. You are guaranteed to get a warm pair of socks, scratch Lotto ticket and Roger's chocolate (special ordered from Canada) in your stocking...hope I didn't ruin the surprise. Happy Chanukah, Jason! Now, go spin that dreidel.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Reason 10

I like New York in June, how about you? Well, I actually love New York any time of year. In fact, I am there (or rather here) right now. I have a hunch you love the Big Apple too. I think we'd have a great time wandering around Central Park, checking out the Superhero Supply Store in Brooklyn, seeing some incredible musical theater and then having a bit too much to drink at a nearby bar. Of all the cities I've been to, it is by far my favorite (Seattle excepted), and it would be made even more so if I got to experience it with you.

I also like a Gershwin tune.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Reason 9

I bake incredible Girl Scout cookie cupcakes that will leave you begging for more. The sweet Girl Scouts always look at me like I'm nuts when I buy a billion boxes of Samoas (real name - Caramel Delights) and Thin Mints, but come September I know their judgement is worth it when everyone else's cookies are long gone and I am biting into a scrumptious, chocolatey treat. If you play your cards right, Jason, I'll bake a whole batch just for you (but you'll have to wait until March).

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Reason 8

We could compare stories about ladies in black. Both of us attended a Catholic school at some point and I'm sure we could swap some crazy tales, especially since neither of us is Catholic.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Reason 7

My upstairs neighbor. Now, usually I am all sweetness and light, but my upstairs neighbor is starting to chip away at my positive outlook on life. The last 3 nights she has woken me up from a deep sleep around 1am by stomping around her room and dropping what sounds like 20 pound weights on the floor right above my head. I have spoken to her and left her notes, begging her to be mindful of the noise level after 11pm, but to no avail. I feel like Mrs. White in Clue when she's talking about her husband's mistress: "I hated her, so much... it-it- the f - it -flam - flames. Flames, on the side of my face, breathing-breathl- heaving breaths." Perhaps you could have a chat with the elephant upstairs and charm her into submission. You are awfully charming. If that doesn't work you can intimidate her with your height. My sanity rests in your hands, Jason.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Reason 6

I am an excellent roadtrip companion. Maps don't stump me, I'm satisfied by Oberto meat sticks and Donettes from the gas station, I know tons of car games and I can be a master DJ when needed. I also love to drive and can stay focused for hours, in case you need a nap. A few years ago after a long day at Disneyland, my friend, Ryan, and I decided to drive to Vegas for the hell of it. We made the long drive by consuming a few Red Bulls (which I think taste suspiciously like Sweet Tarts) and taking a brief nap at a rest stop. Nothing stops me from tackling the open road and feeling the wind in my hair. Start planning a trip, Jason!

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Reason 5

Now, I have never played Rock Band with Jason, but I have a feeling he prefers the drums. He just gives off that vibe. I'm a guitar girl, so we'd be quite compatible. Your place or mine, Jason. Bring on the Bon Jovi!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Reason 4

I knit kick-ass hats and would be happy to make one for you, Jason, so your head could stay warm those 2 days a year that L.A. temperatures drop into the 50's. One of my friends wore his hat in Antartica, so they are guaranteed to keep you toasty, and they are quite fashionable too. You can even pick out the yarn - I'm that generous :)

knitting accoutrements

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Reason 3

Jason could change my opinion of Los Angeles. He grew up in the City of Angels and while I have visited a few times, I've never been particularly impressed. In fact, one time our car was broken into in Hollywood and all of our clothes were stolen. I had to buy a new outfit at Target in order to be presentable at Disneyland the next day. I also went to college outside L.A. for one year and hated the constant heat and lack of seasons. I did love the smell of orange blossoms, though. Are you up to the challenge, Jason?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Reason 2

Our mutual dislike of impersonations. During the "I Love You, Man" commentary Jason mentions how annoyed he got with Paul Rudd's impersonations on set because they were so terrible. I don't think I have ever enjoyed someone's impersonations, well done or not. Ok Jason, how would Austin Powers read this entry?

Rich Little, Imperonsator

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Reason 1

Our mutual love of the Muppets. When I found out Jason was also a huge fan of the Muppets, I became even more smitten. I bet we're some of the only adults in the world who have the Muppet Show theme song on our iPods. I've got season 2 on DVD, Jason, if you wanna' swing by some time. "It's time to play the music..."